Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
