he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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