I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
