I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
