If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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