How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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