woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i believe in u and ur pee
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
