his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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