New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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