from now on my penis is your penis
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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