no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
