11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
