Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
