anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
