Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
