I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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