At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
