So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
