he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
