You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Holy shit dude........stairs
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