I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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