is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
