he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
