how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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