Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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