I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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