Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
