she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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