I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
