she looked like the before picture.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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