I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You smell like stripper and shame
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just pee around me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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