I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
