We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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