Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize