is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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