just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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