Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
