That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
