Will you blow on my dice?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
