The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
