I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
