DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
