Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You work out of a Hotel?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
