I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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