so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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