I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
