I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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