Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize