I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We left the knife in your bed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
