If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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