It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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