In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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