Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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