I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize