I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
