next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
