My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
