you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
