Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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