So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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