I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize