3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize