ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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