So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
