I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
