I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
