Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my shit smells like andre
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
