I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
