No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
