HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
