We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
