I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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