i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
