Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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